As I was driving home on a dark, windy back road in Puerto Princesa, with my wife, Ami and my infant son, Luke last week I spotted a couple struggling in the road ahead of us. I slowed, and as we passed and saw that the woman was crying and shouting for the man to let her go. The man for his part ignored her pleas and continued to drag her back to where his motorbike stood, a little further back along the road.

I stopped the car. All kinds of thoughts flashed through my mind: My wife and child were in the back seat. What was this argument about? Was this woman about to get raped? What would my father do? Could this be dangerous? What if it was a friend of mine? One of the women we work with?

I got out the car and walked towards the still struggling couple. The man was clearly in a rage. He glared at me when I asked him in Filipino what was going on. When he saw I was not going anywhere, he tried a different tack; he shouted multiple times, “It’s okay, she’s my asawa (wife)!”

Not wanting to get involved in a marital dispute, I stepped back. Then she shouted, “Hindi asawa ko! (He’s not my husband)”

I looked at their ring fingers. No rings. I pointed this out to him and told him it was simply not okay to beat up this woman. . At this point the woman managed to break free, and ran towards the car. Ami called to her to get in, but the man went to block her off. Evading him, she went around the car and started down the road, away from all of us. The man ran for his bike, so I quickly got back to the car, drove up to the woman and Ami and I offered her a ride.

Sobbing in the passenger seat she told us that he had hit her so hard her false tooth had fallen out. She said that they were not married, but had been going out for two years. She had just discovered that he was cheating on her with another woman and gotten upset. In return he had gotten angry at her and started slapping her. This was the second time he had started beating her. The first time, he had just hit her hands and arms, but this time had hit her face.

With the boyfriend following us on his motorbike, we drove to the police station, but once we had driven in to the compound the woman suddenly became very scared. She said that they had a one year old baby and she feared for his safety. She didn’t want to fill out a report. She said that we could take her home, because one of her brothers would be there. We tried calling the numbers she gave us but they were out of service.

As we drove along the unlit roads, the boyfriend behind us turned his headlight off. After a very tense drive, via unlit dirt roads we arrived at her family house. I stopped the car, and walked her through the gate until I could see her brother come out to meet her. All the while I was keeping one eye on the boyfriend. I saw him go towards the car and knock on the window to speak to Ami.

I rushed back out and as I neared him, he looked at me, put his hand behind his back and said “Thank you.”. I stepped backwards and raised my hands to show that I wasn’t carrying any weapons. Again he said, “Thank you.” and put his hand out, although he still looked angry and not very thankful. I shook his hand. He then went inside the gate towards the house of the girl’s family. I’m really not sure what he meant, because Filipinos generally are not familiar with sarcasm, but I find it hard to believe he was really thankful for us meddling in his private matters.

On the drive home, thoughts raced through my mind, as Ami and I talked about what had just happened and whether we did the right thing or not. One thought I keep coming back to was the way the man, kept repeating, “It’s okay, she’s my wife.” It was as if in his mind he felt entitled to treat his “wife” as he saw fit, because she was his property.

As I reflect on this, I think this is the real reason behind the opposition to the RH Bill that is currently being debated in the Senate. It’s not about contraception, population, education or religious beliefs. It’s about control and ownership. The men in power do not want to relinquish ownership and allow women to have more control over their reproductive and sexual lives. The time has come for the rest of us who want a just, equal society to stand up and say that we will no longer tolerate these archaic attitudes.